Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
