After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
