what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Randomize
