Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
