I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Enjoy the penises
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
