she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
