I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
