He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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