So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
