Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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