he was CRYING into my vagina
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
