I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
