'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
