The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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