I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
