i just wanna soil my oats bro
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
