You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
