She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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