Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
