from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
