you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
