That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
