"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
