So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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