You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
