If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I didn't notice because vodka
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
