hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
