omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
