All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
