Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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