got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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