i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
