Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Drunk is a universal language darling
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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