hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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