My boss' voice literally gives me gas
only if we run a train.
done.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
