Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
