grandma shit on top of the toilet
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
