you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
