____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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