I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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