in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
