ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
