Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
