the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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