Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
