If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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