Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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