Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
