how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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