i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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