census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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