I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
